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Our Life with Michael

Our Life with Michael
A Mother’s Perspective

I had a normal pregnancy up until the day Michael was born. I worked all day and had talked to Rob, my husband, that evening; everything seemed fine until it wasn’t. I called my mom later that evening and told her something wasn’t right. She called my aunt, who lived close, and took me to the ER. At the time, we lived one block from the hospital, and they said that’s what saved us.

Rob was out-of-the-state for a new job with GE. He scheduled the trip because I’d had no complications, and they always say first babies are usually late. My in-laws were able to get ahold of his boss to get him on a red-eye flight home as he might have to decide to save me or the baby. Luckily, that decision wasn’t necessary, and an emergency C-Section was performed. Later we found out that I had a placenta abruption.

I always say he was our Miracle Baby. Michael was four weeks premature, he weighed 4 lbs. and nine oz., and he was blue. The doctors had to work with him to get him to breathe. He spent two weeks and one day at Children’s Hospital in the NICU. After bringing him home, he had to do Physical Therapy on his arms and legs at Hopewell School. Then, back to Children’s Hospital for hernia surgery. He really didn’t want or like to be held unless he was sick. So, that was an indicator that something was the matter. Michael as a baby in an incubator with his eyes covered to protect them.

Michael got kicked out of daycare at age 3 for biting. So, I contacted Hopewell again and asked for help. They recommended the Ohio State Nisonger Clinic. We took him for testing, and he was diagnosed with Autism. Later, we discovered he was biting because he could not communicate with words what he wanted or how he was feeling.

At the time, no one we knew had ever heard of Autism. Now, the statistics are staggering. It was a learning process for us and those around us to understand what we were dealing with. I would say the diagnosis impacted our lives significantly, and that’s why there is a six-year gap between our kids. They always say God doesn’t give you any more than you can handle, but it was definitely a challenge. We couldn’t have done it without help from family, Hopewell School, and the early intervention program. Michael attended Hopewell from age three until first grade when he then attended Conesville Elementary.

Michael’s biggest achievement at Hopewell was yes & no. Prior to that, when you’d ask him a question, he would just repeat it back to you. He was like Pete the Repeat. Finally, using grapes, they were able to get yes & no. So, do you want this or that questions became easier.

His favorite thing at the time was the TV guide; he could tell you every channel. One time at the store, he threw one heck of a fit because I wouldn’t buy him a TV guide. The cashier told me just to buy him one. I said, you don’t understand. If I do it this once, it will set a precedent that I would have had to buy him one every time after. So, just people not understanding the situation, judging, and/or criticizing your actions was hard to deal with. We always had our families’ support in the decisions we were making for him.

I think the early intervention made a significant impact on Michael’s life. Without their help, he may have reverted, and we would have lost communication with him. The caring teachers were very patient and willing to try things out of the norm. They had sensory items (a small trampoline) to divert him if it looked like a meltdown was coming on. So, the redirection method worked, and we started that process at home.

In school, some of the frustrations he had were in math. He didn’t understand why he had to estimate the answer when he knew the exact answer. There aren’t any gray areas with him. It’s all black and white; he takes everything literally.

Getting a haircut, you’d think he was getting murdered. The yelling, crying, and hands going in every direction. We finally figured out that he didn’t like the noise of the other people in the salon, the lighting, the noise from the clippers, strange people touching him, and the hair that went everywhere. So, we had a family friend cut his hair with scissors at my parent’s house. By doing this, we found a workaround that was best for him.
He didn’t get or understand everyday social skills—things like your tone of voice or facial expression. So, we just had to tell him – Hey, we’re at our limit, and let’s take a break from what you’re doing for a while. We will go back to it when you’ve calmed down. Sometimes this would bring on another meltdown. Once we established this as our routine, he understood the consequences of his actions.

Michael had to deal with bullying when he went to junior high. The merging schools didn’t know him, and he got made fun of because of his differences. Some of the kids from Conesville remained his friends, and they helped.

We decided that just because he had an autism diagnosis, it shouldn’t limit what he could or would be able to do. We wanted him to be involved in everyday activities. So, with soccer, he learned the rules thru a video game and was able to apply what he learned playing the game. With church, it was just repetition. Once he knew the initial process, he was able to repeat it. He enjoyed 4H and was the club Historian (photographer) for many years. He didn’t want to do the other offices; he really enjoyed taking the photos. He still is our family photographer! He wanted to try golf, so his grandpa helped coach him on the rules of the game and took him golfing to give him pointers.

Michael in his cap and gown graduating from high school.

You learn to pick your battles on their behaviors. If it’s not harmful to themselves or others, just let it go. It’s not that big of a deal. So, at first, it was the headbanging. Eventually, we were able to divert that to hand flapping. Now, it’s just voicing his agitation. When he would be having one of his spells, banging his head on the wall, we would try talking to him to calm him down. You’d think the words weren’t getting thru to him. But later, he would say sorry and that he just couldn’t control what was going on inside his head, and he could hear every word we were saying.

From our original diagnosis at Nisonger, where they told us at the age of 3 that he can’t do this, he will never do that, he won’t be able to live independently, he has come a long way. We pushed him to try new things, even if it was a battle at the time. The battle was worth it because it pushed him out of his comfort zone and expanded his interests and likes. When he was little, if it were up to him, he would only eat mac-n-cheese. But we made him try new foods. He didn’t like the different textures; now he eats everything!

We have helped him achieve the goals he’s set for himself. By setting a goal, it gives him something to work towards. Small or big goals, it doesn’t matter; each was an accomplishment for him. First was driving; he wasn’t ready at the usual age of 16 and had no interest. When he said he was ready to try, he took the written test with no problems. We made him drive with a permit for two years until we thought he could handle all of the potential situations that happen while you’re driving. Another goal was college; he attended COTC in Coshocton and graduated top of his class with his degree in Digital Media Design. Next was a job. He started working part-time at Mcdonald’s at their front counter. He was also helping his dad work the register at his business. Next came the candle business. He makes and sells candles at the Coshocton Farmer’s Market and various other craft shows. He manages all of the expenses by keeping track of his supplies and ordering when needed; he records his sales in a spreadsheet. He still seeks advice when setting up something new (like sales tax).

Michael at a craft show selling the candles he makes

As he approached his 26th birthday, we told him that he needed to find something full-time as he would be coming off our insurance. So, he researched and came up with Kraft Foods. He has been successful working there as an Arranger since September 2021. When he gave his notice at McDonald’s, they told him if things didn’t work out, they would welcome him back. We were so proud to hear that.

He says his next goal is to buy a house of his own and work on his social life. Currently, his social life is made up of family and church when he can get there based on his work schedule. Due to his candle business, he has expanded the circle with the people he meets and interacts with (customers and other vendors).
He still has his quirks and always will, but don’t we all have something? We’re very proud of the man he’s become. He is a responsible, thoughtful, and caring individual. Always asking what he can do to help. He might not get it right the first time, but he is always willing to try.

Changes in routine are still difficult for him, but he manages them much better. So, we have a calendar he updates with his work schedule, appointments, and family events. He likes his stuff to be organized, and everything has a place. He loves video games, playing cards, doing puzzles, and watching America’s Funniest Videos.

Individuals with a disability are great people. You just have to give them a chance.

Love. Learn. Worship.

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